I Am Scared

Some dude once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I’m here to announce: I’m scared. Scared because I just watched a movie that everyone around me is proclaiming as excellent. The Oscars have anointed it with eight nominations (they also handed Sandy Bullock a trophy for The Blindside, so.) The Grammys and The Golden Globes both bestowed upon it awards for its song “Shallow.” It made that money (210 million.) I’m talking of course of A Star is Born.  My problem with the film really boils down to one thing. Chemistry.

Jackson Maine and....Ally? Her name is just Ally?

Remember when Walter White said, “Chemistry is the single most important thing in a romantic film?” Don’t google that.  Heisinberg was right. The greatest romantic movies ever relied on the chemistry between the two leads to further the narrative. Moonstruck. Casablanca. Brokeback Mountain. Space Jam. Or think about a film with a dumb Hallmark movie plot like The Notebook. Gosling and McAdams took over that movie and said LOOK AT US AND LOVE US. These romances will stand the test of time because it wasn’t just that the two leads carried a charismatic sizzle between them, it’s because their chemistry infiltrated every aspect of the narrative and made a simple plot something more.  It made it electric. It made it something the audience could feeeeeeel.

 


Bradley Cooper had so much more chemistry in Wet Hot American Summer with Michael Ian Black. Their flirting, their kissing, their LOVE was more real.

Rocket’s love for Groot is more real. It’s damn near tear-inducing (and I’m not a human being so I’ve never cried).

Hell, he and that doll baby in American Sniper had more chemistry than he and Steph.
"Lady Gaga is a force in this movie.  A force in the way that gravity is a force. As in she weighs you down."

Steph, Chapelle, and That Song

Speaking of Steph. Lady Gaga is a force in this movie.  A force in the way that gravity is a force. As in she weighs you down. Can she sing? I’m genuinely asking.  Can she sing? I don’t know. I think she can, I’m definitely supposed to think she can. But I just don’t know. It always comes out so gargle-y.  But also, can Brad sing? He’s not supposed to be a great singer in this piece of cinema, but when they sing together, we are supposed to be swooned.  I wasn’t. I wanted to be, I hope you understand that. I wanted to be. I need to be. Is this a cry for help?

Did it have elements that grabbed me? Yes. THAT SONG IS GOOD. I will say that. That song rules. My spotify is a treadmill and I am burning the rubber on THAT track.

 

This movie bored me. And it’s because these two people did not connect to each other in any real way.  And because of that, I couldn’t connect to them. And because of THAT, I couldn’t connect to the film.

 

The true chemistry in this movie that should’ve been explored was Chapelle and Cooper. Also, go watch Wet Hot American Summer on Netflix.

A Star Is Born (2018) Trailer


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